No, it’s not September, the title of the post is what sucks. Last month, for me at least, was one of the worst months ever. It wasn’t the worst month in the sense that my children were run over by buses or my wife was killed in an auto crash it was the worst in the sense of a huge number of moments and events during the month that yielded the key phrase “are you fucking kidding me?”
Some examples? Ok let’s take a look at money. I work as a consultant/contract programmer and also have some side income from some poker strategy websites I run. Last month every single income source was either late or non-existent. Normally I rely on certain things happening fairly consistently and getting paid is one of them. Yes, for the last year or so I’ve been living paycheck to paycheck and during September “living” became equal to dieting (not that I couldn’t use it!).
I blame the people in third world countries for eating my fat American food. No, not really.
Having the income problems during September wasn’t what made it the worst month, though, that’s merely the canvas onto which the image of WTFs was painted.
Ok here’s one. A few months ago we had a new stereo installed in the car from Best Buy. It’s one of the ones that you hook your iPod into so you can listen to music instead of keeping a classy looking visor full of CDs on the passenger side of your car (oh it’s still there as a backup). Now there are a lot of “Are you fucking kidding me” things about this device in the first place even without the energy sucking month of September involved—for example all functions are controlled by the worst possible controller (a dial that you can also push straight down or click in one of the four cardinal directions to select things… without labels… and instructions written by a non-native English speaker… that feels like it’s going to snap off when you use it… that sometimes registers a ‘straight down’ click as one of the other kind of clicks… that moves between the 5000 songs on the iPod when using the dial at about 1 per second per song… you get the picture. ANYHOW, this month this piece of digital feces managed to come up with something worse than breaking! It now starts playing music for a little while, then turns off and starts beeping and then a few seconds later turns on and repeats. AND THERE’S NO WAY TO STOP IT. Believe me, this makes any trip a special trip.
My fiancé’s cap fell off of one of her teeth and started aching in a serious way on the weekend when we had no money or for that matter insurance. She slept for a week on a cold can of soda and looked like a chipmunk storing nuts for the winter.
My sister who has been gainfully employed as a nurse for 8 years lost her job, got another and then lost that job as well. This story is long and I won’t get into the details here but will just leave you with the suggestion that you not put your parents in nursing homes and instead shoot them with salt covered bullets instead. Believe me you’ll be doing them a favor.
A swarm of bees decided to make their home in the backyard, and in typical September 2009 fashion inserted an unlubricated are you fucking kidding me into the first are you fucking kidding me when large numbers of them just started dying without any intervention from me littering dozens of bee corpses all over the back porch area so we have the worst of both worlds: the trouble of having a million bees around and the reminder that our planet is doomed.
There’s much more but just writing about it is stressing me out and I don’t want irony overload when the actual writing of the post about September sucking is what pushes me over the edge. The strange thing is I get the impression that September sucked more than other months for a lot of people. If you’re one of them I’d love to hear your story.
